News, Opinion

What if straight pride existed

After the overwhelming number of comments from Twitter users calling for a straight pride, we thought we would indulge them and imagine a scenario where straight pride was a thing.

At that oh-so-joyful time of the year, banners in the street would be hung up to commemorate the fact that heterosexual people have never been bullied, fired or discriminated against for being straight. It is cause for rejoicing after all, isn’t it?


The straight population would gather in cities all over the world to celebrate the ease with which they can express affection for their partner. They will never be imprisoned or executed for being in a relationship with the person they love.


Across the world, straight pride events will have a day dedicated to recognizing straight white men’s entitlement to absolutely everything. They have the privilege to never have been oppressed by any other gender or culture for being themselves. Without their incessant tweets about creating straight pride, none of this would have ever been possible.


Finally, straight pride would be held between January 1 and December 31, this would be the only time of the year where they can truly feel supported by their community in knowing that their sexuality is not a crime or an abomination, but a miracle of reproduction.

Hopefully, this makes people in favour of straight pride realise that it already exists, but under another name. It’s called a “Normal Day on Earth”.

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