Bi, Love and Sex, Stories

How bisexual men are erased by both straight and gay communities

Conor Arnot, 21, started identifying as bisexual two years ago and yet most people assume that his relationship with Kate, his girlfriend, now makes him straight.

That is absolutely not the case. Bisexuality does not boil down to being sometimes straight or gay. It’s not a role-play game.

“If you happen to be dating a man then a lot of people say: ‘Oh you’re gay now’ and if you happen to be dating a girl it’s: ‘Oh you’re straight now,’” said Conor.

“I don’t think it’s about who you are with at the time, I still am attracted to both men and women even though I am with a woman. It’s who you have feelings for that matters.

“I just think that bisexuality is not commonly spoken about and that’s why it confuses people and they always try to label us as gay or straight.”

“I just think that bisexuality is not commonly spoken about and that’s why it confuses people and they always try to label us as gay or straight.”

Ironically, this lack of acceptance towards bisexual individuals also comes from within the LGBT+ community.

Last year, Boy George offended many Twitter users by denying that bisexuality existed. After he got negative responses from the bisexual community, he simply replied:

When confronted with this kind of bi-erasure, Conor reacted calmly: “It’s weird that within the LGBT+ community there are some people who don’t recognise bisexuality, but a lot of discriminated groups do discriminate between themselves, it happens all the time. It’s unusual but it’s not unheard of.

Conor and Kate six months into their relationship

“My girlfriend is very accepting of my sexuality though. We talk about beautiful men and women together and it’s great.”

Denying the existence of bisexuality makes no sense whatsoever. It’s not because one likes coffee that they can’t like tea.

Samuel Moore, 26, has also felt discriminated against for being bisexual.

“I was very badly bullied at school — but in more recent years, casual prejudice I have felt has most  often come from gay men who do not believe that bisexuality exists.

It seems incredible that some members of the gay community, who have been oppressed for being themselves for so many years, oppress others for the same reasons.

While the gay and lesbian community have gained an incredible momentum in the media with films like ‘Call Me by Your Name’, bisexual people are still massively underrepresented.

The very few TV characters or personalities who do come are often women, like Rosa Diaz in ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’, as they are more accepted than bisexual men.

Could it be that this is only the case because they can be objectified as “threesome material” by the hetero male population whereas bi men become “fags” when they dare date another man?

Neither gay nor straight community encourage men to come out as bisexual and this may explain why so many more women seem to be bisexual.

This omnipresent bi-erasure has no place in the 21st century when LGBT+ movements are stronger than ever before and should be supported by the straight community.

We know that a lot of you are students but this video also applies to non-students. Enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *